-- Don't you wish you could get a member of Congress to say what he REALLY believes, and then stand behind it when questioned by the lunatic fringe known as the mainstream media.
Sen. Charles Grassley of Iowa recently said that these goons who took bailout money and then gave their executives mega-huge bonuses for their incompetence, should do the honorable thing...apologize and then either resign or commit suicide.
Grassley cited the Japanese culture, where people in similar positions would rather off themselves than to shame their families and resign their posts.
It's a great idea...except that the next day, Grassley's hard-on became a vagina, he pussed out and backtracked on his earlier statement, suggesting that they should at least resign.
No, no, dumbass...they SHOULD take themselves out of the gene pool, and they should do it as soon as possible. And while we're at it, a similar fate should befall those who allegedly lead our once-great nation and have run it into such a bad state that the only way out is for them to leave office and replace them with competent people of much higher character.
Grassley, Kennedy, Pelosi, Schumer...they should all fall on a sword and do our nation right for once. Their continued failures are putting us on the road to ruin, and if they had ANY brains, they'd see that the problem can be found in their mirrors.
-- Played golf Saturday and Sunday. Threw snowballs in the wind Monday.
Ladies and gentlemen...welcome to spring in Nebraska.
-- I've come to a conclusion that should solve my longstanding bachelor status: I'm going to be more of an asshole.
It's been said that nice guys finish last. I don't know about that, but I do know this...nice guys don't get the girl.
Assholes, on the other hand...they score more often than Gene Simmons on a tour bus.
I've witnessed so many instances where a girl, who I might find attractive, hooks up with a guy that, while appearing to be a good guy on the outside, is a real asshole to the woman.
Some guys are OK as long as they are sober. One shot of tequila, shake lightly and VOILA...instant asshole. And, for whatever reason, chicks DIG the alcohol-fueled asshole.
Others just have a really screwed up view about the fairer sex. If they're barefoot, pregnant, and don't talk back, they're fine. If they get out of line...it's his job, in his teeny little mind, to slap the bitch back in line. Again, the ladies love the caveman-reared neanderthal, for reasons I can't seem to grasp.
I have a pretty long-standing track record of treating the women in my life right. Mind you, I haven't been PERFECT...but I can safely say there are no assaults on my record, and aside from the alcohol-induced occasions where I might SAY something wrong, I've been respectful and, at the very least, willing to listen to her side of the story.
This approach has, for whatever reason, failed miserably, and has been a consistent failure for the last 15 years. The carnage left behind has left my heart broken, shattered, tattered and left by the side of the road. The heart has long since healed, the scars a badge of honor...but that way of dating is not getting what I want in the pursuit of Ms. Right.
Therefore, I am going to change my philosophy, start treating women like they want to be treated...which, obviously, is like shit...and that should set me up for meeting the woman of my dreams. Being more of an asshole, and less of a nice guy, is going to net that special woman who I can treat like garbage and, at the end of the day, have her loving me in a way that will have other men wondering what I've wondered of many others:
"How the hell does an asshole like him wind up with a hottie like her?"
And if that doesn't work...I'm going to become a monk.
-- How's your NCAA bracket doing these days?
Mine is doing quite well, thank you. My projected final four (Louisville, North Carolina, Memphis and Pittsburgh) survived the first weekend, which is something I haven't been able to do for a number of years now. Of the 16 teams still remaining, 14 were on my list of Sweet 16 teams when this insanity got underway last week.
I don't want to jinx the good thing I've got going, but it could be my best NCAA bracket pick ever. As long as Louisville and North Carolina keep winning, and Pitt and Memphis can win two more, I'll be happier than Dick Vitale on Selection Sunday.
-- And, finally, from the "Birthdays you'd have bet $10,000,000 would never have been celebrated" department...rapper and resident gold-toothed black clown Flava Flav turned 50 over the weekend.
Considering his history in rap music, L.A. gangs, dating Brigitte Nielsen and involving himself with more skanky sluts than all the trailer parks south of the Mason-Dixon line combined...I'm sure the over-under on the age on his death certificate was in the low 30's.
Certainly, his IQ falls below that numerical range...
Thanks for playing, you've been a lovely audience...stay tuned for Alan O'Day.
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